Why The Teen Titans Shouldn't Drive
by she got out alive
Summary: Ever questioned the Teen Titan's driving skills? Well these are some reasons why they shouldn't be allowed to drive on public roads. "Do you even have a driver's license?" Beast Boy laughed. "Pfft, no. Why would I need one of those useless things?"


Okay well, I've had this idea for a bit and finally wrote it down. This chapter is about why Beast Boy shouldn't drive. It's a bit cracky, well a lot cracky.

Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Titans or any people, places or things mentioned in this chapter. Why would I be writing a _Dis_-claimer if I owned any of this crap?

XxX

Cyborg's grip on the steering wheel tightened even more when Beast Boy asked yet _another_ question.

"So . . ." the changeling began, "What does this button do?" And as he asked, Beast Boy pushed said button and the air conditioning turned on, blasting an ice-cold breeze in both Robin and Raven's unsuspecting faces.

Raven dropped her book in surprise, losing her page and Robin shielded his eyes by bracing his arms over his face. He was first to recover. "Beast Boy! Turn it off!" He shouted, waving his arms.

Beast Boy rolled his eyes, "okay, okay, sheesh, don't get your panties in a twist." He looked back at the dashboard, trying to remember what button he had pressed. There was way too many buttons to chose from, so Beast Boy went with his instinct and pressed a large -and noticeably shiny- one.

Raven, who had just picked up her book, instantly dropped it again when suddenly music blared through the speakers. She let a small yelp and covered her ears with her hands. It was her turn to shout. "BEAST BOY!"

Cyborg slowed the car down after almost crashing into tree when he heard Lady Gaga suddenly start playing at almost top volume from his sound system. Pulling over, he pressed a few buttons and the air conditioning and radio shut off, much to Robin and Raven's relief.

Beast Boy seemed completely oblivious to the trouble he had just caused and asked with a mischievous grin, "why do you have an album by Lady Gaga?"

"I do not!" Cyborg shouted defensively.

"Yeah you do," Beast Boy insisted.

"Don't,"

"Dude, then why do have this empty CD case right here called: _Born Thi_-" Cyborg cut him off.

"Fine, man," Cyborg finally admitted defeat and as he was pulling back onto the road, he said, "so I have a few CDs by Lady Gaga, what's the big deal?"

In the backseat, Robin shot Raven a look and mouthed, "_a few?"_

Raven only shrugged and went back to reading.

Beast Boy looked away, trying to smother his giggles, but the result was an unattractive snorting sound.

Cyborg narrowed his eyes and quickly snuck a glance at the teen. "Are you laughing at me?" he asked, forcing his eyes back on the road.

Beast Boy snorted again. "No." He managed to force out before he began laughing like the crazed boy he was.

"Buddy, you have no right to be laughing at me for thinking she's an amazing singer," Beast Boy only laughed harder. "She writes her own songs, a lot of them are about people's actual insecurities, and they are very true to life, as well as they are about it doesn't matter what you look like and what your interests are, you're just you. Plus she's really kind and is bold," Cyborg explained, "and she makes stuff happen, like the thing with the-"

"Okay, Cy, just shut up for a sec," Beast Boy said and asked him a question he thought was important, "are you sure you're not, like, secretly a girl or something cause just then you sounded like a teenaged girl."

Cyborg frowned and grumbled to himself.

"Whatever," Beast Boy muttered. '_Fine, just keep PMSing_,_ I don't give a crap,'_ he thought to himself, and then looked back at road. But as he was turning his head he saw the oh-so shiny buttons, _again_. "Oooh, shiny!" He exclaimed, delighted with the 'shininess'.

"Don't touch any more buttons or I will kick you out of this car!" Cyborg warned him. "I don't know how in my right mind I let you sit in the front seat." He said under his breath.

Robin seemed to be thinking the same thing and whined, "yeah, why didn't you let me sit in the front? The back's no fun. And I can't see anything that's going on."

"Talk to Raven, maybe that would entertain you and your exceedingly bored self." Cyborg told him.

"She doesn't talk," Robin complained. "She just sits there and reads, she's so boring." He crossed his arms.

Raven looked up from her book to glare at him, and Robin just stuck out his tongue, she rolled her eyes. She was about to start reading again when a thought struck her. "Why don't you put _me_ in the front seat? I won't bother you, I'll just read."

"Hey! I asked first! And like I'd bother Cyborg, I don't annoy people," Robin said. He would get the front seat. There was no way in hell she would.

"No one's switching spots, okay?" Cyborg told the two. "My car, my decision."

"Fine," Robin muttered and Raven just resumed reading, not caring very much about the subject anymore.

And as Cyborg had been stopping an argument from happening, Beast Boy had found out how to work the windows. Beast Boy grinned, obviously amused. Flicking the switch, he kept saying, "Down, up, down, up, down, up, dooooooooown! Uuuuup, dooooooown, uuuuup!" And the window went down up down up down up, blowing wind in the person seated behind him's face.

"Beast Boy, quit it! You're messing up my hair!" Robin yelled from behind the teen, protectively clutching onto his precious hair that he had gelled that morning. He had begun to regret choosing the spot directly behind Beast Boy.

Raven struggled to keep her hood up. "Now who sounds like a teenaged girl?" she taunted, angering Robin even more. So it wasn't all bad. Not that Raven liked getting wind blown in her face, she hated it as much as anyone else who was forced into the backseat to have some idiot sitting in the front seat start messing with buttons making you switch from being cold to deaf to blinded by wind to who knows what else. All she was knew for sure was that she wished she was at home with Starfire who had requested to stay home and miss out on this trip to the Pizza Place so she wouldn't miss the new episode of 'All About Mushrooms and Other Fungi'. Raven wouldn't mind be nauseated any day if it meant not being in the same car as Beast Boy. At least he wasn't telling jokes . . .

She then realized her mistake. '_Oh crap, did I just jinx it? I've got to knock on wood . . . there's no friggin wood in a car!' _Raven panicked. '_No way, I couldn't have jinxed, what am I thinking?'_

"Hey," Beast Boy began, "You know something _really _funny? Knock knock,"

Raven felt slightly guilty while Cyborg sighed and asked, "who's there?" with utmost interest.

"Madame."

"Madame who?"

"Madame foot's caught in the door!" Beast Boy burst out laughing and Cyborg groaned. Beast Boy thought this was utterly hilarious. "It's so funny! Cause it's like, ouch, _my damn _foot's caught in the door."

"Oh, wow, that's a knee slapper." Raven deadpanned. She could at least take Beast Boy's attention off of Cyborg because she believed it was her fault that the titan had begun telling jokes in the first place. '_Sorry, Cy.' _She silently apologized.

"I know right?" Beast Boy began thinking of an even funnier joke than the last one, but that would be hard cause that last on was just plain _high_-larious, wasn't it?

Robin _really _wanted that front seat. "Beast Boy you shouldn't distract the driver with jokes, you know what? _I _wouldn't tell jokes to distract you, Cy," Robin tried to sound convincing, but it didn't work.

"Nice try Rob, but no." Cyborg told the now disappointed Robin. Then out of the corner of his eye, Cyborg saw Beast Boy reach for yet another button. "Beast Boy if you touch another button, you and Raven are switching spots." He threatened.

"What!" Robin glared at Raven and jabbed a finger at her accusingly. "Why does she get to sit in the front?"

"Because _she _hasn't been asking for the front seat every few minutes."

Robin hated to admit it but it was true. Even before Beast Boy had started messing with the buttons and dials he had been asking to switch spots. "Fine, I'll just deal with it then." He muttered, feeling miserable. Why hadn't he just stayed home?

"Awww, Robin. Don't be sad. How about I tell you a joke to cheer you up?" Beast Boy offered cheerfully.

Robin's eyes widened. "No, no that's okay." He tried to decline his offer nicely, but soon after realized that he should've been a bit more forceful with his decline for another joke.

"Okay," Beast Boy grinned and took a deep breath and Cyborg turned back on the stereo, music drowned out Beast Boy's terrible joke. "HEY!" Beast Boy shouted over the music. "TURN IT OFF!"

Cyborg couldn't hear him. "Huh?" He cupped a hand around his ear.

"I SAID, TURN IT OFF!" Beast Boy screamed into Cyborg's ear and the cybernetic teen swerved all over the road.

He shut off the radio and pulled over. Honking and shouting, as well as some obscene finger gestures were put in the direction of the T-car. Cyborg sighed and let his head fall against the steering wheel which omitted a long and loud honk when his forehead connected with it. "Beast Boy get in the back seat," he said, his voice muffled and clearly upset.

"Yes!" Robin cheered and reached to unbuckle his seatbelt.

Cyborg shook his head. "Not _you_," he said with a hint of annoyance in his voice, "Raven."

Robin let out an audible sigh. "Not fair, I swear someone _up there_ hates me," he looked upwards and with a glare he muttered something under his breath.

Raven only made out the beginning and end of his sentence, which went something like, "if you hate me, why don't you screw . . . go to hell," All she knew for sure was that Robin shouldn't be telling whoever's _up there_ to screw _ and then go to hell, it just wasn't smart? Who knows? What if the 'someone _up there_' was, and she was not trying to be offensive to anyone's religious beliefs, but what if because he said what he said, some god -angered by the boy blunder himself- was now going to make sure that every day from now on was living hell for Robin. These thoughts ran through Raven's head and she silently prayed that some god _had _actually been listening and was angered by Robin and hoped that now the teen was in for some bad hair days, scratch that, bad any kind of days. Oh would that be fun, a good laugh, _and _it'd teach Robin not to be a pain in the ass for half an hour.

An evil grin cracked across Raven's face as she imagined these things happening for real, and when Robin saw the look on her face he got scared and tried to move as far away from the girl as possible, but he only got a few inches away before he ended up pressed up against the car door.

Suddenly Cyborg yelled, "are you sitting in the front or not, Raven?"

Raven shook her head clear of thoughts and regained her normal emotionless expression, then replied, "I'm going, I'm going,"

Robin watched her unbuckle her seatbelt with absolute calmness. '_Women and their mood swings . . .' _He thought to himself, '_I'll never understand them.'_

She got out of the car and switched spots with a saddened Beast Boy.

"Now is everyone happy now?" Cyborg asked.

A ticked off "no" was Robin's response, Beast Boy answered with a "nopety-no" and Raven let out a somewhat feminine grunt.

Cyborg sighed. "Okay then,"

After being back on the road for only thirty seconds, Beast Boy found yet another way to cause trouble. "Hey Raaaaaaaven," he said in a singsong voice.

Raven whipped her head around when she heard her name being called. "What?"

Beast Boy grinned. "You forgot your book," he held up a book bound with dark green leather.

Raven narrowed her eyes. "Give it to me," her words sounded lethal, but Beast Boy just continued to smile, seemingly oblivious to Raven's threatening tone of voice.

"Nah, I think . . . I'll read some aloud," he told her opening the book to the first page.

"You, but," she sighed and looked to the teen sitting beside the green menace for help. "Robin? Could you?"

Robin turned his head to look out the window. "He's not doing any damage," he said casually.

Raven frowned. "Just because I got the front seat doesn't give you the right to be a jerk,"

"It's a free country, isn't it?" Robin countered.

Raven gritted her teeth, where was that angry god when you needed it? "Okay, now you're just-" Cyborg cut Raven off.

"Please, no arguing." Cyborg said looking through his rearview mirror to look at Robin and then turned to look at Raven, giving them both stares that told them to shut up or they'd be walking home.

Raven sighed and was about to stay quiet and not argue when she saw Beast Boy shaking her book violently up and down. "What are you doing!" She cried getting concerned for her book.

"There's a stupid piece of paper stuck in between the pages," Beast Boy explained and smiled in content when the 'stupid piece of paper' fell out.

"It's called a bookmark, idiot!" She hissed in anger. "And now you've lost my page,"

Beast Boy brushed it off. "No problem, I'll find it," he tried to wave his hand in an attempt at being casual and accidently, no, not on-purpose-accidently, actually accidently, threw the book out the open window. He brought his hands to his mouth and gasped. "Crap," he said, but his hands muffled his curse.

Robin had to suppress his chuckle and unsuccessfully hid his smirk. "Oh man," he said and patted Beast Boy on the back. "You are _so _doomed."

Raven's face grew red with anger, Cyborg knew that a fight was about to start so he said loudly, "how about a song to pass the time, y'all know you love songs." '_C'mon just twenty more minutes before we reach the tower. Please let everyone live until then._' He prayed, and his prayers were very different from Raven's. Cyborg was praying for his friends lives to be spared and Raven had prayed for one of her friends lives to be worsened or even worse than worsened; ended.

Beast Boy sighed. '_Thank you, Cyborg.' _"I know a song, uh . . ." He looked out the window for inspiration. A bus drove by and Beast Boy began singing, "the wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round, round and round. The wheels on the bus go round and round all day long."

And after twelve verses, there was still fifteen more minutes until they reached the tower. Beast Boy was struggling to come up with more things that do/go whatever. He had tried windows, only to have Robin go, "don't start about the windows, Beast Boy," and then the team leader fixed a nonexistent mess up in his hair. But Beast Boy was a creative person, and soon began again with the annoying song of 'wheels on the bus', but with a different line.

"Oh, the Ravens on the bus go glare, glare, glare. Glare, glare, glare. Glare, glare, glare. The Ravens on the bus go glare, glare, glare all day long,"

And Raven, who just happened to hate this new verse, ironically _glared _at Beast Boy.

"The Robins on the bus go obsess over Slade, obsess over Slade, obsess over Slade. The Robins on the bus go obsess over Slade all day long,"

Robin shook his head at Beast Boy and clenched his fists. He _did not _obsess. Well, maybe . . .

Now that two of the three titans he could annoy had been dealt with, it was time for the last one.

"The Cyborgs on the bus go I love tofu, I love tofu, I love tofu. The Cyborgs on the bus go I love tofu all day looooooooooooong!"

"I hate tofu," Cyborg muttered through clenched teeth. It was meant to be said to himself, but _everyone _in the car heard him.

Beast Boy fake gasped. "What?" He asked in a dramatic manner to no one in particular. "You _love _tofu? Did I hear you say you have secret lust for my choice of nourishment? I must tell the world!" Beast Boy proclaimed and stuck his head out the window.

"Cyborg loves-whaa!" Robin yanked him back inside the car.

"What?" Robin shrugged when Beast Boy gave him a questioning look. "Sticking your head out the window is a safety hazard," he told him.

"Yeah," Raven agreed. "Your ugliness might blind other drivers on the road and they could crash," she said, and you could tell that she wasn't over the loss of her book.

Beast Boy was obviously offended, but only mumbled, "way to hold a grudge much."

_'Ten more minutes.' _Cyborg thought as he drifted to a stop.

Beast Boy was wondering why they had stopped. "Hey, why did you stop?"

Robin answered for Cyborg. "Because we hit a stop sign,"

"So?" Beast Boy still didn't see why they _had _to stop.

"When you get to a stop sign, you are required to stop." Robin explained, growing impatient.

"Who says?"

"The law!"

Beast Boy shrugged. "I still think we should have kept going,"

Robin had had it. "Oh yes, we should just plow straight past a stop sign, shall we? Let's just crash right into an oncoming car, shall we? Let's just break the law, shall we? Let's just kill ourselves, _shall we?_"

Beast Boy blinked and then broke out in a grin. "Now you know what I'm talking about, Robbie-Boy! Glad we're on the same page!"

Robin just gaped, utterly speechless. And Cyborg and Raven looked on at the road, trying to ignore the boy that was just plain giddy for no apparent reason.

"Hey Cy, can you turn on the air conditioning?" Beast Boy asked.

"No,"

"Hey Cy, can you turn on the radio?"

"No,"

"Hey Cy, can you unlock my window so I can roll it down?"

"No,"

"Hey Cy, can I sing a song?"

"No,"

"Hey Cy, can I sit in the front seat?"

"No,"

"Hey Cy, can I drive?"

"No," Cyborg was now completely annoyed and down to his last nerve. Both Raven and Robin could see that he was about to crack. And they did not want to see him crack.

"Hey Cy, can I-"

"What? Beast Boy?" Cyborg demanded, and then suddenly a half-crazed expression spread across his face. He just cracked. "You know what? Do whatever you want."

"Really, so I can drive?"

"Sure," Cyborg said with an overly happy expression and pulled over.

"Wait, is that smart? Didn't you just hear Beast Boy's questioning about the stop sign? He clearly has no idea how to drive!" Robin shouted waving his arms frantically.

"He can't drive, he's a maniac! He'll kill us all!" Raven screeched, but Cyborg just hopped out of the car, completely ignoring both of their protests.

"Would you like to sit in the front with him?" Cyborg asked politely.

Robin shook his head.

"Raven would you like to remain in the front seat?"

Raven did the same as Robin and then added, "over my dead body." She leapt out of her spot in the front and after buckling herself up tightly in the back seat Raven began to rethink her choice of words. Should she have thought of dead bodies right after Beast Boy was told he could drive?

"Raven," Robin said, interrupting her thoughts, and she turned to face him in the backseat. "It was nice knowing you," he extended a hand to shake.

Raven nodded and shook the hand outstretched toward her. "Same here," she replied. Raven knew that he was suggesting that none of the passengers of the T-car would survive Beast Boy's driving. It was a lost hope to believe anything else. It was the end, the Titanic all over again. Now Raven knew what the 'T' in T-car really meant; it was short for Titanic. The 'unsinkable ship'. And just like the Titanic, not many would survive the trip.

Cyborg sat himself down in the front seat and handed the car keys to Beast Boy, practically bouncing up and down with excitement. Cyborg's mind was so fried that he didn't even think to say, "don't you dare put a scratch on my baby."

Beast Boy put the keys in the ignition and the car revved to life. "This is going to be awesome!" He giggled and slammed his foot down on the gas.

And it wasn't until he had been driving for a good minute before Beast Boy noticed all the other drivers around him. "Look at all these other people!" He cried and rolled down his window, he began calling out hi's and how are you doing's to random people driving by. He also waved excitedly and honked his horn. Beast Boy was completely distracted while doing this, and didn't put his attention back on the road until Robin yelped in fear.

"Beast Boy! Keep your eyes on the road! We're gonna crash!" Robin yelled and Beast Boy grabbed ahold of the steering wheel. After turning it violently to the side, they narrowly missed crashing into a lamppost.

"It's all good," Beast Boy assured the two titans scared senseless in the backseat and the brain-dead Cyborg in the front. But it wasn't. Beast Boy's driving was not unlike the driving he did in his video games, and that driving was terrifying.

But Robin only grew more and more worried as Beast Boy swerved all over the road. "Beast Boy slow down," Robin tried his best to warn Beast Boy calmly. But all he could think was, '_good god! He can barely see over the steering wheel! No, no! I'm too young to die!'_

The green titan only shook his head. "No way! And I bet this baby can go faster!"

Raven's eyes widened, they were already going sixty miles an hour on a city street! That's like ninety-five kilometers an hour! All she thought was, '_gods, when I asked for revenge on Robin, I meant when I wasn't around to endure the pain and horror with him! Oh, no! I'm too young to die!'_

Despite Robin and Raven's silently pleading, Beast Boy floored it, and the car sped up rapidly.

Robin and Raven clung to each other for dear life in the backseat while Cyborg was flung into the back of seat.

"This is . . . AWESOME!" Beast Boy screamed happily, not even noticing that he just sped through four red lights, cut eleven people off due to his constant weaving in between traffic, and caused three huge traffic jams. And that's not even starting on all the cars that crashed because of his terrible driving skills.

Then finally, someone must have taken pity on them because the sound of a police siren was heard following after them. "Hey, I bet I can outrun this guy," Beast Boy boasted and sped up.

Robin and Raven were more than ready to greet death when it came.

Beast Boy was more than proud of himself when he lost the annoying police car, but he turned his head around just to make sure. And just as he thought, the police car and its annoying siren was nowhere to be seen or heard. Beast Boy smiled, but it disappeared when he turned his head back around and had to slam his feet on the brakes because he had come across a traffic light that already had cars stopped in front of it.

He swerved to avoid the other cars and the T-car skidded off the road and collided with the side of a brick building. The air bags puffed up and Beast Boy's face slammed into one. "Cool," was all he said.

The police showed up seconds later. It turns out Beast boy hadn't really 'lost' them. An officer walked up to the T-car and ordered them all to get out.

He raised his eyebrows at the titans who exited the backseat. They were both shaking violently, holding onto each other for support. He was confused with Cyborg's dazed state. The large teen was stumbling around, his eyes looking glazed. But the police officer was most surprised with Beast Boy who hopped out of the front seat with a grin on his face.

"I almost lost ya there did ya see that?" Beast Boy asked, sounding proud.

The officer frowned. "Young man, you are a menace. All of Main Street is clogged up because of you, two fires were started by the collisions of buses and trucks, at least one hundred cars are damaged and your left turning signal had been on for the last twenty miles. You were also not wearing a seat belt, which is against the law. What do you have to say for yourself?"

"That was epic!" Beast Boy screeched.

"Just because you are Teen Titan does not mean you can destroy a whole street," the officer said with a sigh.

"C'mon, can't a fifteen year old have any fun these days?" Beast Boy nudged the policeman's shoulder.

The officer gawked at him. "F-f-f-fifteen?" He stuttered.

"Yep,"

"Do you even have a driver's license?" The officer demanded.

Beast Boy laughed. "Pfft, no. Why would I need one of those useless things?"

The officer was lost for words. He raised a shaky hand and rubbed his head, knocking his hat to the ground. "J-just get in the car," he said, his words almost inaudible.

"The T-car?"

"No, the police car,"

XxX

The policeman dropped them off near the tower, and Raven teleported them into the Main Ops room. Both Robin and Raven were still shaking. Robin was leaning on Raven's shoulder so he wouldn't fall over and Raven looked like she'd tip over herself. Beast Boy was _still _grinning and Cyborg had a half dead expression on his face.

Starfire got up from the couch looking concerned. "Oh, friends. I was most worried. There was a terrible chain of accidents all up the Street of Main. I thought you had gotten into trouble, tell me, who would do such an awful thing?" She asked gesturing to the wrecked street shown on the TV with the remote.

Both Robin and Raven turned to look at Beast Boy, Robin stared at him hard, and Raven's eye was twitching. They both raised a hand and jabbed a finger in his direction.

Starfire gasped and looked at Cyborg. Certainly this wasn't true. But Cyborg just fell over. Beast Boy figured the titan had fainted and began laughing.

Raven walked over to the couch, flung herself onto it and began crying. She didn't even notice that she had accidently cracked the TV screen, and it now had sparks flying from it, and shattered four lamps with her powers.

Robin walked straight up to Starfire and threw his arms around her. Seconds later he broke down in heavy sobs.

Starfire struggled to look at Beast Boy over Robin's shoulder so she could ask him, "what has happened?"

Beast Boy giggled and said proudly, "I drove!"

**WHY BEAST BOY SHOULDN'T DRIVE:** He's an idiot.

XxX

Beast Boy shouldn't drive because, yes, he's an idiot. He has no idea what the traffic laws are and does extremely stupid things while driving. And I'm used to kilometres, the metric system, I'm not American (like practically only America uses miles), so yeah. I hope the miles thing is right. Hehe. And Cyborg's Lady Gaga speech, that was my friend who came up with that, I have no idea about Lady Gaga, so thanks to her! Anyway, review and tell me if I should do the rest of the titans. I've kinda got an idea for Robin . . . just tell me to write another chapter or not in your review!


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